When I lose my temper, you think it’s your fault. It’s not your fault.

You don’t understand all the frustration that lies behind the “STOP IT’s” and the “THAT’S IT’s.” You don’t understand, because you are two.

You don’t understand things like deadlines, due dates, and start times. You are two.

You don’t understand things like worry, anxiety, and sleep deprivation. You are two.

You don’t understand when you act out in negative ways, I immediately question my ability to be a good mom. You don’t understand, because you are two.

You don’t understand when you don’t listen, I question my authority. Will you ever listen to me? Am I raising a disrespectful little human? You don’t understand any of this, because you are two.

You don’t understand when you throw a temper tantrum, I question all the ways I could have prevented it. Did I give you enough positive attention that day? Should I have seen it coming and ended it before it started? Am I mothering you correctly? You don’t understand, because you are two.

When I lose my temper it’s not because I am mad at you, it’s because I am mad at myself.

When I lose my temper it’s more about my emotions than yours.

When I lose my temper it’s because I want to be the perfect mom and I am so clearly not.

You don’t understand any of this because you are two. I don’t want you to understand any of this.

What I want you to know is I love you. I love you with fiber of my being. I love you when I get mad, I love you when I am anxious, I love you through it all and will never stop loving you.

I want you to know to make myself better, I will allow myself the flexibility to not be perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist. I know this. 

‘Perfect’ is non-existent and the more I strive towards it, the harder everything becomes. I will stop striving for perfection, and start just being me--your mom who loves you and always will.

I want you to know, it’s never your fault.