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Just some guilt..
Family life

Just some guilt..

I am feeling a little sad & deep down in my gut I know I shouldn't. 

All day I have had this weight of guilt mixed in with sadness holding me down. 

Avery had an amazing weekend and most weekends aren't that amazing. 

The stress and anxiety is fairly high in our home. 

Usually we get zero sleep. 

Usually we are high on emotions. 

Now, if you have been following along for the past 5 years,  I probably don't need to catch-up with you on what is happening. 

But if you are fairly new, let me first welcome you! 

We are a family that shares the ugly, the amazing & the downright hard moments that happen in our life. Me & my husband have 3 kids. 2 of them are diagnosed on the autism spectrum. 

Our life is complicated and messy at times. 

We have been on the never ending journey of finding someone to help us with our boys,

& obviously we have had no luck. 

Just looking for some basic help with bathing & day to day support. 

We simply do not need someone every single day. 

We need someone here and there because our boys age & it is becoming overly clear that we need help. 

Especially, since we do most things in this life with zero or very little sleep. 

I was feeling sad all day today because finally after some really hard weeks with both our 2 boys. 

Actually, it was a really hard 7 months. 

We hit the calm!

We reached a day which turned into a weekend where both our boys are doing amazing, best behaviour and choices ever, plus sleep.

Both our them are doing amazing  but I am sad as I finally finished the paper work for Avery to head into a respite home for a bit in the coming weeks. 

It isn't a punishment. 

And yet after the amazing weekend we just had now I am feeling sad and guilty that I want him to go.

I feel guilty for wanting help!

I feel guilty for wanting a break!

I feel guilty & maybe that is normal!

Maybe there is another mom that has felt the way I have for sending her child to a respite home. 

I have no idea if this will be a disaster when Avery finally goes or if it will be the best thing ever. 

But what I do know is mom's guilt is real & I have a bad case of mom guilt. 

Which I know should go away in time. 

Truth be told, our family can't go much longer doing everything ourselves with our 2 boys. 

Me and my husband are burnt out, worn down & emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted beyond repair. 

We sought out help, we have no idea if it is the right help but we need to try. 

Trying is all we can do. 

I am just feeling guilty & sad for many other parents just like me!

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Katie E

Hello Friends, I am a mother of 3 beautiful children. My two boys are on the autism spectrum. Our family lives in Canada. I am a lover of coffee & I enjoy spreading kindness to as many people as I cross paths with. I dabble in blogging but my calling in life is advocating for those who have no voice & need their story to be told.
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