There is only enough of me to go around. 

I find myself having to remind myself not just in our hardest moments. 

I find myself having to remind myself of this constantly. 

I am a mother of three children, a wife & a full time caregiver of our two boys who have significant life long needs. 

Our two boys were diagnosed on the autism spectrum. 

There is only enough of me to go around & yet it is never enough to keep everything balanced. 

Something always slips through the cracks in our life. 

Something always gets neglected. 

Laundry didn't get neglected so far, which is surprising. 

Supper was made every single night this week. 

Errands were taken care of so far. 

All the kids were bathed, fed & entertained. 

There was one thing that did get neglected. 

This time it was the dishes.

The dishes in the sink never got washed. 

The dishes just pile up so quickly in our home. 

There is no excuse for why the dishes aren't done. 

The plan was to do them yesterday but life happened. 

& truth is the dishes might not all get done today either. 

And right there that one thing, a sink full of dishes, can make a mom like me feel as if she is failing. 

Failing motherhood. 

Failing as a wife. 

Failing as a caregiver. 

Even though I am trying my best. 

Even though there is only one me. 

I'm a mom who is severely sleep deprived. 

I'm a wife who forgot a long time ago what it is like to spend time with her husband without children. 

I'm a caregiver who is experiencing intense caregiver burnout. 

No matter what I do or how hard I try to make sure everyone is taken care of and everything is done. 

I always have something or someone neglected. 

I see a sink full of dishes. 

& I for some reason made myself believe that the expectation put on me as a mother, wife & full time caregiver is for everything to be perfect. 

Our life isn't perfect & I know that, so I have no idea why I am trying so hard to reach a level of perfection. 

That is what will break me. 

That is what will destroy me. 

There is only enough of me to go around today. 

& a sink full of dishes didn't make the cut & that's okay.