My husband looks at me, and asks me “what’s wrong?”

Nothing I reply. 

What can I tell him? That even though he is extremely helpful, I cannot bear this weight of motherhood during this season? 

How can I tell him that after all his efforts, I still feel unloveable and unworthy more times than I believe is healthy. 

It’s easier to brush these feelings off because I know this conversation will be too painful to have. 

I don’t have reasons other than I’m tired? I’m bored? I’m spent? 

The daily mundane tasks of waking up, feeding, bathing, dropping off and picking up and all the in betweens leave me feeling numb. 

The girls nights are the same and beginning to feel forced on my end.

And any quality time with family leaves me anxious and looking for an escape. 

Will he understand if I tell him I think it’s postpartum rage? Will he laugh at me because our youngest is 4 and I technically don’t fall under the postpartum category? 

Or maybe, no.. no he couldn’t. He couldn’t understand. Because to him, it’s a simple equation.  He helps, I get breaks, I should be good. 

How do I tell him that I’m not and that I don’t know what to do about it?